Sunday, July 1, 2012

Christmas in July Eve: Preview to the R/UFA Frenzy

We're just under 12 hours to go until Zero Hour. As I'm sure you're aware, at 12:01 PM EST on July 1st, 2012 teams can officially make offers to restricted and unrestricted free agents in the NHL. And in total contrast to all of those offers we've been making on blogs, message boards, among friends, family members, co-workers and those disinterested jerks on the bus who don't understand that being friends in high school is not the strongest indicator that Zach Parise is signing with Pittsburgh...

It's not okay? I'm not saying he's not going to sign there, but if he doesn't it wasn't because him and Sidney Crosby went to school with each other like 10 years ago. Okay? OKAY!?

...anyway, in total contrast to those offers, players can actually accept the offers teams make!

So I thought I'd post some predictions, thoughts, observations, jokes, etc. Just another bit of warm up reading material before we all go bat shit insane in 12 hours.

#1: This is my first Free Agency Day as a blogger/Tweeter. I will admit to being one of those people who just kind of picked up bits and pieces after July 1st about who we signed and why they're important. This year, instead, I've spent much more time checking out the free agents with regards to who the Red Wings might need and want this off season.

#2: Who the fuck is Steve Sullivan and why do I care?

#3: Apparently some people were flipping their shit over Justin Schultz signing with Edmonton. Some people - perhaps rightly so - felt that a college free agent with no NHL experience should not have been cavorting about as though he was the end all be all of potential signings. TSN's Bob Mckenzie was explaining - perhaps rightly so - that the kid was being reasonable and professional in his behavior. None of that is important. What is important is the following exchange between me and George Malik.
Damnit, you'd be proud of it too if you'd thought of it!
#4: Going back to my previous comments about Parise going to Pittsburgh, I just want to re-iterate, I don't have a problem believing that Parise could sign in Pittsburgh. Playing alongside Crosby and/or Malkin on a team that many are expecting to be serious Cup contenders, who has freed up the cap space to afford him. Yeah, it's totally feasible. But those are the same reasons he could go to Detroit, so let's be reasonable here.

#5: That being said, please don't let him sign in Pittsburgh. Hockey gods, you have been both generous and evil to the Red Wings these past few years. I ask that you please do not dump all over them. If we are not to land Parise, I can live with that, so long as he does not going to the sweltering turd factory that is the Pittsburgh Penguins. 

Simon Cowell was that kid growing up.
I just fuckin' know it. 
It's like when you're a kid, and you sign up for the Pinewood Derby, and you do the best you can to make the best damned car you can, and you're really proud of it. It's a good car, maybe even a championship car, and you really hope you can win. But if you don't win, you just hope that little bastard Billy doesn't win. Because his dad always built it for him helped him build it and he won every year and you just wanna wipe that smug grin off his stupid face.

So please, Hockey Gods. First and foremost, please bring Parise and Suter to Hockey Town. However, if I must pick between one or the other, I pick Suter, and simply ask that you have Parise stay in New Jersey. Or he can go home to Minnesota. Or he can shock everyone and sign with Colorado. Just please... PLEASE... do not let him sign with Pittsburgh.

In thy names we pray, in the name of the Gordie, The Stevie, and the Holy Nick.

#6: If you haven't yet, head over the The Production Line and make your predictions for the 2012 UFA Challenge. If anyone has all their predictions come true, I will personally make a disingenuous offer to donate to a charity of their choosing.

#7: I just have to say being so excited for UFA day is very much like Christmas in July that I've always heard ABC Warehouse advertise for and never understood why they were so damned excited. But it really is like anxiously awaiting tomorrow to see what kind of presents the Red Wings have left us. It's interesting though, because unlike Christmas, I'm totally okay with my presents this year being completely intangible.

Will Momma and Poppa Ilitch get us that Ryan Suter we've been asking for since April? Will they surprise us with a brand new top 6 forward? Or is this going to be a disappointing Christmas where not only do we not get anything, but our Jiri Hudler gets broken and put out on the curb for some poor hapless franchise to pick up? Only time will tell.

Probably want to Febreeze him before you toss him in the back of the truck.
Approximately 10 hours and counting. Let's Go Red Wings!

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