Thursday, March 29, 2012

Columbus? Moar liek ColumBUST

Last night's game can be summed up with 3 words: Knowledge, Fear and Hope.

I knew that the game at Columbus wasn't going to be like the game at Detroit. Despite being a terrible team, very few professional teams are going to get blown up on the road 7-2 and then come home against any team (let alone the same team that just blew them up) and get blown up again. I feared that the Red Wings would come in looking like they didn't give a fuck. I hoped that my fears would not be realized. 

Thankfully, they weren't, because instead of giving away fucks, they gave away pucks. See what I did there? Some quick bullet points, awards, and then we're done.
  • I had some back and forth Tweets with George Greiner @Korrowan for much of the game. And the topic came up about Rick Nash. I think he's a self absorbed vag who has never been forced to play a complete game of hockey. George commented he'd like to see Nash in a Red Wings jersey come next year. 
    • Here's my problem with that: Many of Nash's chances last night came from cherry picking. For those who aren't familiar, "cherry picking" in hockey refers to a tactic used by selfish, useless players who can't be bothered to skate back to their defensive zone and cover their assignment. Instead, they stand down near the other teams blue line (or in the other team's zone if you don't play with offsides in your pick up games), wait for the puck to come free and have one of your team mates send it down to you to score. Most players stop doing it by age 11 because it gets them an ass kicking from team mate and opponent alike. 
    • On top of that, the price to get Rick Nash would be some combination between a testicle and a first born. Why spend that money when we have guys like Nyquist chomping at the bit to move into a scoring role?
    • Remember how well picking up Hossa worked out?
  • Fuck you Brad Stuart. Don't think I need to clarify. 
  • Jesus Holy Shit Christ was Mike Babcock pissed last night. First he called a time out and didn't say a word to the Wings until the end of the time out. Simply to tell them which line was going out. He let them just stand there, soaking in their suck funk. They did score a goal shortly thereafter, but when they started to suck out loud again, he called them out. In the middle of the game. On national TV. 
    • My wife said it better than anyone: "I think Babcock's fury is probably worse than any woman"
Someone, somewhere, is choking to death right now
  • Breaking News! The refs are god awful! Also, water is wet and my cat's breath smells like cat food. Awards after the break.

Time for the Awards Segment of Our Show:

The Bret Lebda Game Puck: Kyle Quincey, for doing a whole lot of meh and taking a really dumbass boarding penalty. I said it before, and I'll say it again: I want to like the guy, I want Ken Holland to have been right when he got this guy. But fuck me, I'll take Kindl or Smith any day over Quincey right now.

The Kris Draper Game Puck: Pavel Datsyuk, because there was one point in the game where he single handedly held off Brassard from the puck and by the end of it, Brassard was so god damned mad at Datsyuk that when they finally got the puck off off his stick, the Red Wings let them skate down the ice and score just to cool Brassard off.

The Derian Hatcher Game Puck: Brad Stuart, for being more interested in helping Columbus score than in helping the Wings score.

O' Captain, My Captain Game Puck: Mike Babcock, for being the only guy on the bench who seemed to care what was happening that night. I gained a lot of respect for Babs. I know he's a frank and honest guy, but it's rare to see such public honesty, especially when it is communicated by silence.

On Notice: This isn't necessarily a negative notice, because he's been busting his ass, but Valteri Filppula needs a freakin' goal. So it's more of an impatient, hopeful notice.

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